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Senior sex: Tips for older men

What you can do to maintain a healthy and enjoyable sex life as you grow older.

As you age, sex isn't the same as it was in your 20s — but it can still be enjoyable. Unlike some myths suggest, sex isn't just for the young. Many seniors still enjoy their sexuality into their 80s and beyond.

A healthy sex life is both fulfilling and good for other parts of your life too — such as your physical health and self-esteem.

Senior sex: What changes as men get older?

Changes to your body or lifestyle can make you feel vulnerable or uncomfortable — especially when it comes to sex.

You may notice changes such as:

Low sex drive
Discomfort or pain during sex
Erection changes (erectile dysfunction)
Ejaculation changes (premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation)
Changes to your body, hair or genitals
Less strength or stamina
Lower fertility
Feeling fragile or tired
Feeling sad or stressed
Changes in your partner's ability or desire for sex

You might be worried about these changes. But remember, they don't have to end your enjoyment of sex. Working with your changing body can help you keep a healthy and happy sex life. For instance, you may need to change your sexual routine to include more stimulation to become aroused.

Senior sex and health problems

Sexual well-being is closely tied to the rest of your health. How you're feeling, long-term health conditions, age-related changes or drugs can all affect you sexually.

Some surgeries and many drugs — such as blood pressure drugs, antihistamines, antidepressants and acid-blocking drugs — can affect sexual function.

Also, changes to your body — such as testosterone and sperm changes, nerve damage, bone and muscle loss, and low iron — can affect your sexual health.

And existing health conditions — such as heart disease, diabetes, cancer and prostate problems — can have an impact too.

But don't give up. You and your partner can try new ways to be intimate that work with your needs and abilities.

For example, if you're worried about having sex after a heart attack, talk with your health care provider about your concerns. If arthritis pain is a problem, try different sexual positions. Or try using heat to lessen joint pain before or after sexual activity.

Stay positive and focus on ways of being sexual and intimate that work for you and your partner.

Senior sex and emotional issues

At any age, emotional issues can affect how you feel sexually. Sometimes this is good news. With fewer distractions, more time and privacy, and no worries about pregnancy — many older couples report better sex lives.

But other adults may feel stressed by health problems, money troubles and other lifestyle changes. Depression can lower your desire for sex. If you think you might be depressed, talk to your health care provider or a counselor.

Senior sex tips

Sex may not be the same for you or your partner as it was when you were younger. But sex and intimacy can still be a rewarding part of your life. Here are some tips for keeping a healthy and enjoyable sex life:

Talk with your partner. Even if it's hard to talk about sex, sharing your needs, wants and worries can help you both enjoy sex and intimacy more. It's OK to feel vulnerable. Your partner is likely feeling vulnerable too. Talk with each other or with the help of a therapist.
Visit your health care provider. Your health care provider can help you manage long-term conditions and medications that affect your sex life. If you have trouble keeping an erection, tell your provider. Erection problems may be the only warning sign of a heart problem. If you're concerned about your testosterone, ask your provider for guidance. Tell your provider about any tobacco, alcohol or illicit drug use, as these may affect your sexual health.
See a sex therapist. A therapist may be able to help you and your partner with specific issues. A qualified therapist can help you understand your needs, your worries and refresh your perspective. Ask your health care provider for a referral.

Expand your definition of sex. Intercourse is only one way to have a fulfilling sex life. Touching, kissing and other intimate contact can be rewarding for you and your partner.

As you age, you and your partner may have different sexual abilities and needs. Be open to finding new ways to enjoy sexual contact and intimacy.

Change your routine. Simple changes can improve your sex life. Change the time of day you have sex. Try the morning — when you're refreshed from a good night's sleep and when your testosterone levels are likely higher — rather than at the end of a long day.

Because it might take longer for you or your partner to become aroused, take more time for romance. Try a new sexual position or find other ways of connecting romantically and sexually.

Bond in new ways. If being physically intimate is too much right now, find new ways to have fun together. Enjoying new experiences may boost your activity level, your mood and even your libido.
Laugh together. A sense of humor is important to easing the stress that can get in the way of your ability to be intimate.

Don't give up on romance. If you've lost your partner, it can be difficult to imagine starting another relationship. But socializing is well worth the effort for many single seniors. No one outgrows the need for emotional closeness and intimacy.

If you start an intimate relationship with a new partner, use a condom. Many older adults don't know that they are still at risk of sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes and gonorrhea.

One final piece of advice for keeping a healthy sex life: Take care of yourself and stay as healthy as you can.

Eat a healthy diet.
Exercise regularly.
Don't drink too much alcohol.
Don't smoke.
Think positive.
Practice gratitude.
Drink plenty of water.
Get enough sleep.
Make time for loved ones and hobbies.

See your health care provider regularly, especially if you have long-term health conditions or take prescription drugs. Other conditions and drugs can affect your sexual health, but your provider can help.

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Waite LJ, et al. Sexuality in older couples: Individual and dyadic characteristics. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 2017; doi:10.1007/s10508-015-0651-9.
Yafi FA, et al. Erectile dysfunction. Nature Reviews Disease Primers 2016; doi:10.1038/nrdp.2016.3.
Partin AW, et al., eds. Campbell-Walsh-Wein Urology. 12th ed. Elsevier; 2021. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed March 15, 2022.
Age and fertility: A guide for patients. ReproductiveFacts.org. https://www.reproductivefacts.org/news-and-publications/patient-fact-sheets-and-booklets/documents/fact-sheets-and-info-booklets/age-and-fertility/?_ga=2.23872760.332160619.1648825435-2025818841.1647597055. Accessed March 16, 2022.
Mulhall JP, et al. Evaluation and management of testosterone deficiency: AUA guideline. The Journal of Urology. 2018; doi:10.1016/j.juro.2018.03.115.
Bhasin S, et al., eds. Reproductive disorders associated with aging. In: Essentials of Men's Health. McGraw Hill; 2021. https://accessmedicine.mhmedical.com. Accessed March 18, 2022.
Sexuality and intimacy in older adults. National Institute on Aging. https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/publication/sexuality-later-life. Accessed April 11, 2022.
White BA, et al. Life cycle of the male and Female reproductive systems. In: Endocrine and Reproductive Physiology. 5th ed. Elsevier; 2019. https://www.clinicalkey.com. Accessed March 17, 2022.
Older adults and mental health. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/older-adults-and-mental-health. Accessed March 21, 2022.
Caring for your mental health. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health. Accessed March 21, 2022.
Your healthiest self: Wellness toolkits. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nih.gov/health-information/your-healthiest-self-wellness-toolkits. Accessed March 21, 2022.
Emotional wellness toolkit. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nih.gov/health-information/emotional-wellness-toolkit. Accessed March 21, 2022.
Physical wellness toolkit. National Institute of Mental Health. https://www.nih.gov/health-information/physical-wellness-toolkit. Accessed March 21, 2022.

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Healthy Aging

Guide to Sex After 60

60-Plus: Still Sexy

Sex after 60? That’s a big yes. Many mature couples have better love lives than they did in their more youthful days. There are lots of reasons for this. They have deeper intimacy with partners, fewer distractions, no pregnancy concerns, and just plain more time to get busy. Plus, they have much more know-how and done-that than those young things on TV.

Hormonal Changes

Around midlife -- age 45 or so -- new issues can temporarily dampen your love life, though. Sex hormones take a big dip. For women, menopause brings a plunge in estrogen and androgens. Your vaginal walls get thinner and drier. Men see a nosedive of testosterone and estrogen about the same time. This can make it difficult to get an erection (erectile dysfunction, or ED). Changes in the brain and your blood flow switch things up, too.

Vaginal Changes

The main sexual problems for women tend to be trouble getting to orgasm, lack of desire, and vaginal dryness. Your vagina shortens and narrows with age. It doesn’t moisten itself as easily as before. This can cause pain when you have sex. Lubed condoms, water-based lubricating jelly, and vaginal moisturizers might do the trick. Your doctor might also prescribe vaginal estrogen, which comes as a cream, a pill or tablet, or an insert.

Erectile Dysfunction

The main age-related sexual problem for men is erectile dysfunction, or ED. Erections don’t come -- and stay -- like they used to. Your penis might not get as hard or big as before. One of four ED drugs might be the answer. But they can have side effects. They can also clash with drugs that contain nitrates. Be wary of herbs and supplements that promise a fast fix. Always talk to your doctor before you try them.

Diabetes can cause ED for men, especially those with type 2. Poor blood sugar control can, over time, damage nerves and blood vessels that supply sex organs. Meds, a penis pump, or even a penile implant can help. Women with this condition can also have less feeling in their genitals. It also causes more vaginal yeast infections, which can irritate this area and make it difficult or unpleasant to have sex. But they’re easily treated.

Heart Disease

A heart attack during sex might make for good TV, but it doesn’t often happen in real life. Heart disease does make your arteries narrow and harden, so your blood doesn’t flow as easily. You might find it hard to get aroused or have orgasms. But once it’s treated, your doctor likely will give you the green light. Be sure to tell your doctor about any chest pain, problems breathing, or symptoms that get worse.

Other Challenges

Other medical conditions that can affect your sex life include weight gain, arthritis, chronic pain, bladder control problems, dementia, high blood pressure or cholesterol, side effects from meds, depression, and stroke. Also, surgery -- especially in sexual areas -- can affect your self-image and how you feel. Talk with each other about ways you can stay close. Put aside caregiving roles when you can to focus on being a partner.

Talk to Your Doctor

You might not find it easy to talk about this subject with your doctor. The truth is, they might have trouble talking about it, too. They might be more likely to bring it up when it relates to other conditions. It can help to ask direct questions, such as: Can you recommend a sex counselor, and is this covered by Medicare? Do any of my meds cause sex problems? Would it help me to take estrogen? Is there an alternative to ED drugs?

Sex Therapy

If your primary doctor isn’t helpful, consider a sex therapist or other trained counselor. They’ll talk with you about your concerns and help come up with ways to meet your needs as a couple. Maybe the answer is more foreplay, or more direct stimulation. If a condition like arthritis makes it hard to enjoy sex, they can suggest new positions that are more comfortable and satisfying for you both.

Get Creative

Common sense and a creative spirit can spark new ways to enjoy sex. For example, if a flat surface doesn’t work for your knees, a new position or special furniture can offer another angle. If you have problems getting aroused, a vibrator can help get blood moving. It’s natural to worry about “getting back into the swing of things” if you’ve been inactive for a while. But just having sex can help you relax and let desire take the lead.

Safe Sex Is Still Important

STDs are equal-opportunity diseases: They don’t discriminate by age. If you’re sexually active, you’re at risk for STDs. These include chlamydia, genital warts or herpes, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, syphilis, and trichomoniasis. Also, the number of older people with HIV and AIDS is growing. You should always keep up on your checkups and tests, use condoms, and keep up honest communication with your partner.

Changing Partners

With better health, meds, and more ways to meet people, such as online, older adults can enjoy dating -- and sex -- at any age. But you need to stay savvy. Learn your partner’s history before you have sex of any kind. Both of you should get tested first, too. Always use a condom and water-based lubricant, which protects against sores or cuts that can raise your chances of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD).

Differences in Desire

Couples clash at times about sex drive -- or lack of it. For women, the drop in estrogen, bowel and bladder problems, breast atrophy, or cystitis after sex can dampen desire. Men with ED or other problems might just not want to “go there.” Think about your partner’s point of view. When you talk about your feelings and needs, do it from an “I” standpoint: “I’d enjoy it if we … .” This lets you express yourself without hurting feelings.

Why You Should Bother

Why bother, you ask? Short answer: The benefits of sex are many. Just a few reasons to keep at it (and going solo counts): It boosts your immune system, burns calories, lowers blood pressure, helps you relax, eases pain, keeps your mind sharp, and may lessen the risk of heart attack and prostate cancer. It keeps you and your partner close. It just may help you live longer. Oh, and it makes you happy.

Different Strokes

You can be intimate and loving -- and sexy, too -- without intercourse. Lovemaking includes caressing, hugging, kissing, and manual or oral stimulation. Any loving or intimate expression can make your intimate life full. If you don’t have a partner, self-stimulation -- aka masturbation -- is a healthy, satisfying route to reap the many benefits of sex.

Show Sources

IMAGES PROVIDED BY:

National Institute on Aging: “Sexuality in Later Life.”

Journal for Nurse Practitioners : “Sexuality and Quality of Life in Aging: Implications for Practice.”

Mayo Clinic: “Vaginal Atrophy,” “Estrogen (Vaginal Route),” “Erectile Dysfunction & Diabetes: Take Control Today,” “Chronic Pain,” “Sexual Health and Aging: Keep the Passion Alive,” “Sexual Health.”

Health in Aging Foundation: “Sexual Health: Care & Treatment,” “What to Ask: Sexual Health,” “Safe Sex For Seniors.”

American Heart Association: “Sex and Heart Disease.”

BMC Family Practice : “Views of family physicians on heterosexual sexual function in older adults.”

American Society on Aging: “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About (Late-Life) Sex.”

Johns Hopkins Medicine: “Erectile Dysfunction.”

Reviews in Obstetrics & Gynecology : “Sexual Function in Elderly Women: A Review of Current Literature.”

Journals of Gerontology: “Frequent Sexual Activity Predicts Specific Cognitive Abilities in Older Adults.”

AARP.org: “8 Reasons Sex Improves Your Health.”

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Everything you need to know about sex drive

Every person has their own sex drive that is normal to them. A number of factors may cause it to increase or decrease.

Read on to understand why some people may have a high or low sex drive, plus tips on how to increase it.

Sex drive, or libido, refers to a person’s desire to engage in sexual activity. A low libido refers to a decreased desire relating to sex, while a high libido is an increase in desire for sex.

Causes of higher sex drive

Some reasons that a person may have a higher sex drive include:

Exercising : One study suggests that people who engage in physical activity tend to have higher sex drives.
Drug-taking: Stimulant drugs , such as cocaine, can cause an increase in libido.
Changes in neurotransmitters: Dopamine is a neurotransmitter. People with Parkinson’s disease may receive dopamine replacement therapy. This can cause hypersexuality and sexual compulsions.
Testosterone: Some older research suggests there may be a link between higher testosterone levels in men and higher sex drives.

Causes of lower sex drive

There are many reasons a person could have a lower sex drive, including:

Studies looking at female libido highlight that during menopause , sexual hormones decrease . This can cause a decline in sex drive and arousal.

Learn more about how menopause affects sex drive.

Culture and religion

People who are subject to highly restrictive religious or cultural beliefs may have lower levels of sexual desire.

Mental health

Studies have found that males and females with mental health conditions, such as anxiety or depression , may have a higher risk of sexual dysfunction. This can lead to a decrease in sex drive.

Sex drive may fluctuate as a person ages. One review highlights that once people reach the age of 60, there is a decrease in libido.

There is some research to suggest that a link exists between obesity and sexual dysfunction , which may lead to a lower sex drive.

Chronic conditions

Chronic conditions, such as diabetes and heart disease , can cause sexual dysfunction, which may reduce sex drive.

One study highlights that both the biological effects of diabetes, such as nerve damage , paired with the psychological effects , such as self-image and tiredness , can decrease libido.

One study found that women tended to reduce their sexual activity during pregnancy. One of the main reasons for this was a decrease in their libido.

Learn more about how pregnancy affects sex drive.

Relationship satisfaction

One study found that the libido of some females may decrease, depending on their satisfaction with the relationship.

Medicines or treatments may cause a decrease in a person’s sex drive. Some of these include:

Chemotherapy : In males, chemotherapy may reduce testosterone levels, which leads to a decrease in their sex drive. For females, chemotherapy may also cause the libido to lessen, as it can cause the early onset of menopause.

Female hormonal contraceptive : A review of women and hormonal contraceptives highlights that the following contraceptive methods may decrease libido:

contraceptive ring

Antidepressants: A historical look into antidepressants and sexual dysfunction suggests they may decrease sex drive.

Learn more about causes of a low libido.

How to increase sex drive

Some people can try the following methods to help increase their sex drive:

Sex therapy

A sex therapist can assist with sexual problems . While they can help increase sex drive, they can also support people to achieve orgasm.

Increase sleep

A study found that longer sleep duration in females led to a higher level of next-day sexual desire.

Aphrodisiacs

Herbal aphrodisiacs , such as yohimbine and Eurycoma longifolia , may help to increase male sex drive. Certain foods such as strawberries, chocolate, and raw oysters could also have aphrodisiac properties.

People may increase their libido through exercise , mindfulness, and yoga .

Testosterone therapy

Testosterone therapy in older males has shown it could help them regain sexual desire.

Research that explores testosterone treatment and sexual desire in females varies. A 2016 study argues it is unlikely to increase female sexual desire, however, another study suggests that it can boost libido in females.

More research is necessary to establish the effects of testosterone and sex drive in females.

Learn more about ways to boost libido.

What is a normal sex drive?

It is best to view sex drive as a spectrum. What someone may consider normal, may be different for another person. Sex drive can also fluctuate, leading to a higher or lower libido.

In some cases, a person’s sex drive may become extremely high, or extremely low. This may develop into a sexual functioning disorder, which can include:

Female sexual interest / arousal disorder (FSIAD) : This is a form of sexual dysfunction where there is a persistent lack of sexual desire, which is not caused by a medical condition or medications.

Treatment for FSIAD may include counseling or medication.

Compulsive sexual behavior : The World Health Organization (WHO) includes compulsive sexual behavior in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11). It is defined as an impulse disorder “characterized by a persistent pattern of failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges resulting in repetitive sexual behavior.”

Sex drive is a spectrum, and what may be normal for one person may not be normal for another.

There are many reasons why a person may have a high or low sex drive, or why it might fluctuate. Medication, age, and chronic conditions can all affect it.

There are ways to increase libido, which include exercise, sex therapy, or getting enough sleep.

If a person is worried about any changes in their libido, they should discuss this with their doctor.

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Meeking, D. R., et al . (2013). Sexual dysfunction and sexual health concerns in women with diabetes. https://www.practicaldiabetes.com/wp-content/uploads/site s/29/2016/03/Sexual-dysfunction-and-sexual-health-concerns-in-women-with-diabetes.pdf

Nappi, R. E., et al . (2014). Maintaining sexuality in menopause [Abstract]. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1754045313515122

Nimbim F. M., et al . (2019). Male sexual desire: An overview of biological, psychological, sexual, relational, and cultural factors influencing desire. https://www.smr.jsexmed.org/article/S2050-0521(18)30145-8/pdf

Politis, M., et al . (2013). Neural response to visual sexual cues in dopamine treatment-linked hypersexuality in Parkinson’s disease. https://academic.oup.com/brain/article/136/2/400/288511

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Last medically reviewed on July 22, 2020

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The 10 best sex scenes in movies, from Moonlight to Carol

From gina prince-bythewood's directorial debut love & basketball, to todd haynes' achingly romantic carol, article bookmarked.

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What makes the perfect sex scene? The pure eroticism? Its emotional undercurrents? The shift and flow of the camera? Of course, there’s no real answer.

Our concept of how sex should work on film speaks to so many variants: what personally gets us hot under the collar, whether we seek the fantastic or the realist, or how these scenes should tie in emotionally with the rest of the film. A great sex scene can be raw and passionate, languid and romantic; it can be tinged with an air of sadness and longing, or even downright hilarious.

The criteria are pretty much wide open. So, in that light, here are the candidates for some of the best sex scenes ever put to film:

The 10 best sex scenes in film

Blue valentine (2010), recommended.

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Derek Cianfrance dared to portray sex with any sense of realism, both physically and emotionally, only to quickly get slapped with an NC-17 rating for showing Michelle Williams’ character, Cindy, on the receiving end of oral sex. “The sex felt real – it wasn’t sexy or ‘a sex scene’, and that’s why we got into trouble,” co-star Ryan Gosling remarked to The Observer at the time. “You shouldn’t be penalised for doing a good job.”

After successfully appealing against the MPAA’s decision, Blue Valentine reached cinemas as an R, thankfully allowing mainstream audiences to see how emotionally complex a matter sex can actually be, especially in a broken down marriage like the one shared by its lead characters.

Love & Basketball (2000)

Gina Prince-Bythewood has masterfully shown Hollywood how cinema can portray realistic sex without any loss of romanticism or intimacy. That’s especially true of her directorial debut, 2000’s Love & Basketball , in which Monica (Sanaa Lathan) loses her virginity to childhood sweetheart, Quincy (Omar Epps).

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The moment is wonderfully tender, aided by Maxwell’s cover of Kate Bush’s “This Woman’s Work”, while being one of the rare films that actually shows the use of a condom.

"The only note that I ever got from the studio during the filmmaking process was that when I shot that scene, they looked at the dailies and they said, they didn’t think she was enjoying it enough," Prince-Bythewood told The Huffington Post . "And my argument was, it’s the first time and despite what the male fantasy might be, it’s not that great."

Y Tu Mamá También (2001)

Alfonso Cuarón’s raucous classic inverts the American sex comedy: Julio (Gael García Bernal) and Tenoch (Diego Luna) are stereotypical, sex-obsessed young men distraught at the concept of their girlfriends leaving the country. Choosing to live as bachelors, they befriend an older woman (Maribel Verdú), who seduces both of them. Yet, the film drives them towards one, real truth: their own bisexuality, finally freed during the film’s famous threesome.

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Though Y Tu Mamá También 's conclusion is tragic - Julio and Tenoch's reject their own truth, turn their backs on each other, and suppress their feelings – their threesome still marks a moment of genuine, harmonious sensuality.

God's Own Country (2017)

God’s Own Country star Alec Secareanu admitted he was initially “very afraid” of the kinds of scenes he would be tasked with filming for the gay drama film. “But the way each character has sex tells a lot about them; the way that they develop their relationship,” he told Attitude .

The first sexual encounter between Secareanu’s character Gheorghe and Johnny (Josh O’Connor) is quick, aggressive and with little intimacy. As Johnny slowly learns to open up to Gheroghe, their second encounter is far more romantic; intense in a different way to the first. Both actors later told of how they developed a close bond in real life after working together on-screen.

Carol (2015)

A film that finds its eroticism in small gestures - in the languid rest of a glove, in a glance, shared across a crowded room – when it comes to director Todd Haynes actually filming the first time Therese (Rooney Mara) and Carol (Cate Blanchett) have sex, their chemistry is already so palpable that the moment feels nothing short of explosive.

"It's very much like shooting a musical number," Haynes told E!News of the scene . "You start the music and basically you just go and the camera finds the moments and the beats. And we had some amazing material with these two women to work with."

Barry Jenkins’ Oscar-winner is one of the most tender depictions of yearning in modern cinema. An examination of identity, sexuality, and family as witnessed across three different stages of life, its protagonist Chiron (played by Ashton Sanders here, at other points by Alex Hibbert and Trevante Rhodes) experiences his first sexual encounter with fellow student Kevin (Jharrel Jerome) on a quiet, isolated beach. Their fumbling may pay testament to the awkwardness of a teenager’s first experiences, but Jenkins’ approach also gives the moment a profound grace, and an acknowledgement of how it will come to shape Chiron’s own view of himself.

“It’s the first time I filmed a sex scene. It’s the first time these actors had performed a sex scene,” Jenkins told Entertainment Weekly of the scene . “It’s not gratuitous. It’s very delicate in keeping with most of the film, but it kept me up at night. I really wanted to get the feelings of that first sort of sexual expression, and I wanted to get it right… but then, when we got to shoot it, it rolled off like butter.”

Don't Look Now (1973)

Much like Blue Valentine , Nicolas Roeg’s 1973 classic swiftly faced controversy due to a sex scene so emotionally faithful (while also depicting a female character, Julie Christie’s Laura, receiving oral sex), that it caused clashes with censors. A grieving couple desperately holding onto the shreds of their marriage after the death of their child, Laura and John (Donald Sutherland)’s raw emotions and vulnerability in this moment are famously intercut with post-coital preparations to go to dinner - an attempt, in fact, to satiate censors.

Christie herself admitted the film’s innovations made the scene difficult to film since, “There were no available examples, no role models ... I just went blank and Nic [Roeg] shouted instructions."

Team America: World Police (2004)

Sex is funny, sometimes hilarious. There’s no getting through this list without acknowledging that fact, and there’s no better film to summarise it than Team America: World Police and its infamous puppet intercourse, enthusiastically filing through every sexual position in the book.

As puppet creator Stephen Chiodo noted to MovieWeb , it’s the scene’s bracing artifice that’s actually the key to its humour. As he explained, “The more realistic it became, the less funny it was. The more axes of movement, the more lifelike movement we gave the puppets during the sex scene, it just wasn’t funny. But when you had them stiff like dolls, kind of rutting, it just was funny.”

Mulholland Drive (2001)

Trust David Lynch to create a highly-charged sex scene that inevitably only becomes part of the web created to deceive and befuddle us. Rita (Laura Harring) and Betty (Naomi Watts) may consummate their bubbling affections for each other in a sensuous, dreamlike manner – but who is Rita in this moment? Who is Betty? Is this encounter real or imagined?

This moment of lush, Hollywood perfection only creates the set up for Mulholland Drive ’s earth-shattering twist. Betty is now Diane, and her own sexual experience couldn’t be any more different: a tear-soaked, anguished masturbation scene that seems exemplary of her own broken soul.

Unfaithful (2002)

One of the finest examples of the erotic thriller, director Adrian Lyne depicts the extramarital affair in its full urgency, its entire spectrum of conflicted emotions, as suburban housewife Connie (Diane Lane) becomes enraptured by a handsome young Frenchman (Olivier Martinez).

Their initial encounter is at first tenuous, tender, before a hunger seems to consume Connie and her guilt is momentarily forgotten in the throes of extreme passion, only for them to creep slowly back on the train ride home. The memory of its erotic power, the searing regret; those feelings soon become feverishly intertwined.

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